A quick link to a pretty fantastic article by Wired contributor Lore Sjöberg who engages in some creative wine gadget imagineering. Some of his proposed creations sound pretty freakin’ cool.

Automatic Wine Twirler
The first thing you do with a glass of wine is swirl it. I’m led to understand that there are sound gastronomic reasons for this, but mostly it just gives you a chance to lift your glass and wordlessly say, “I AM GOING TO DRINK SOME WINE NOW.”

Each variety (or, in wine jargon, “varietal”) of wine has an optimal rate of rotation, or it will as soon as I make up a little chart. This glass, then, is set on a rotating stem, and buttons on the base allow you to swirl your wine appropriately with but a touch. Also, the whirring is soothing.

No, Lore, you had it right the first time. Variety is the correct term. Varietal is mainly used as an adjective (“This wine has outstanding varietal character”), and only in one specific case as a noun (for TTB labeling). But that’s just me being pedantic. Everyone incorrectly uses “varietal,” inside and outside of the industry.

Lore is actually an accomplished oenophile, and purposefully gives himself away with his next super-awesome idea, the Tooth-Mounted Flavor Sensor.

Apparently, the amazing thing about wine is that it doesn’t taste like wine. As soon as you taste it, you’re supposed to announce that it contains the flavors of red fruit, black fruit, off-white fruit, chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, pistachio, Wavy Gravy, leather, moss, pleated slacks, tamarind, tamarin, snozzberry and the quiet yearning for the open road in the heart of every American.

Suffice to say, some of these are kind of tough to pick out. This clever little gadget can be installed in a molar. Once there, the tooth-mounted flavor sensor quickly breaks down and analyzes even the smallest drop of wine for aldehydes, esters and tannins, relaying the information it’s found to a discreet speaker in your ear. At last, you can with full confidence declare a glass of wine to have “a wispy touch of pear and loquat, blended masterfully with a strong chord of pepper and cinnamon, all held together by COMPOUND NOT IDENTIFIED — PLEASE CHECK FOR DRIVER UPDATES.”

Good times. This guy should have a wine blog.

UPDATE: In related news, Ryan at Catavino started a meme asking folks to come up with their dream wine gadget. El Jefe from Twisted Oak weighs in with his dream gadget, the Wine Restraint And Containment System. Awesome.

Cool Folks